These ain't me characters so I'm just borrowing them because
them big wig types that really have say so would never have
allowed this to happen.

You really didn't think I'd stop with just ONE
Screed/Nat story, did you?  This one is for Apache, who
suggested the location for this sequel.  All comments
and virtual ratsies can be sent to: Alibbyp@aol.com. 
Don't bother to send flames, I'll just have Screed piss
on them.  And, no, this wasn't beta read so apologies in
advance.

Permission to archive to JADFE and Screed's web page
ONLY.  All others must ask first...

SCREED SCREWS AGAIN
(Screed's Continuing Adventures)
by
Libby Singleton
1/1

     "Yankee Doodle went to sea aboard a cutty
clipper.  He filled 'is arse with broken glass An' cir-
cum-cized the skiiippppeeerrrr!" Screed sang loudly,
trying to forget.  Not that it did any good.  His still
couldn't shake the memory of his fuck with that mortal
morsel, Dr. Natalie Lambert.
     "Now that sweet baby chicky knows how to
screw," Screed muttered to himself, rushing his bicycle
into an alley.  His dick was throbbing, demanding
release, and there was no making it the few blocks to his
lair.
     Tossing his bike against a dumpster, he quickly
pulled his penis from the fly of his black overalls.  
"Greetin's to ya, laddie," Screed snorted.  "Right fine
night for a lil' pushin' o' the eject-u-lation button, ay?"
     Taking a moment to examine his staff, he
grinned.  It was large, and had caused more than one
wench to faint in his mortal days.   "A pumpin' Screed
will go, _a_ pumpin' Screed will go, high hold the pud
an' oh, a pumpin' Screed will go!" he bellowed, tugging
at his dick skillfully.  Growling, he reveled in ecstasy as
his fangs descended and the vampiric fire began burning
in his eyes.
     A strong scent of mortal body odor and liquor
distracted Screed from his task in hand.  There was the
sound of a human heart beat coming closer.  Looking to
the side, he saw a couple of bums holding booze bottles,
staring at him with wide grins.  "Whatcha starin' at, ay? 
Can't a lad give 'imself a lil' pleasure?  This ain't no
Punch n' Judy show."
     When the pair didn't budge, Screed turned his
head so that he was sure the drunks could see his
vamped out state.  There was a risk he'd be revealed for
what he truly was, but drastic situations called for
drastic measures.  It worked, the two practically tripped
over each other trying to get away.
     "Come on, you kin do it, you can!" he
murmured, returning to bodily tug o' war.  His muscles
were spasming now;  his nerves shivering electrically in
anticipation.  "Be a gooooood laddie.  That's it!  That's
it, matie!  Yeeeaaaahhhhhhh," he squealed, slumping
down to his backside as his bloody cum arced out. 
"Let's see ol' LaCrow copy that 'un, ay?"
     Sighing, Screed bit into his wrist for just a bit
more autoeroticism.  Sucking in his own blood, he
rocked back and forth slightly, savoring the flavor as he
relived his own memories.  Finally, exhausted, he
stretched back on the ground to rest a bit.  That double
sort of pleasuring could sap a man's strength if he
weren't careful.  "Screed ol' boy, sometimes there's no
better cure for what ails ya than a bit o' the self-stim-o-
lation."
     "I once saw a private's gun," he sang, "large as a
bullock pintle, so fuck-ed large it was, he'd run it into
father's cattle..."  Pausing, he tilted his head slightly,
pondering aloud, "Wonder if ol' Nickie likes cow in
others way.  A bit o' moo n' screw never done no man
wrong..."
     He was just beginning to feel relaxed as well as
relieved when a small creature joined him in the alley. 
Sitting up quickly, Screed locked eyes with the sewer
rat.  "A midnight snack's just the thing I'm needin'
now," he whispered.  "Come to Pappa Screed..."
     The rat screamed as only a rat can do and ran. 
Screed was momentarily puzzled, resistor rats were very
rare.  Slightly annoyed that his dinner was making a get
away, he grabbed his bicycle and began the chase. 
"Yankee Doodle, keep it up, Yankee Doodle Dandy. 
Mind the action an' the pep, and with your pud be
'andy!"

**********

     Dr. Natalie Lambert drove through the dark
streets.  She knew this was considered a "bad" part of
town, especially at 3 a.m.  The beginning of freezing
rain had cleared the few drug dealers, prostitutes and
bums who'd normally be occupying the sidewalks and
alley.  Yet she couldn't help her urge to take this
particular route back to her apartment hoping to get a
glimpse of _him_.  After all _he_ lived somewhere in the
area;  Natalie was sure of it.  All she wanted was a
glimpse of him.
     Sighing, she knew trying to shake Screed from
her mind was useless.  "This is ridiculous, Natalie
Lambert," she muttered.  "It was _just_ a dream.  The
guy's not only a vampire, but a filthy, low, rat sucking
carouche!  You've never really met him!"  Her self-
lecture did no good.  Shifting her buttocks slightly, she
thought about how much her obsession was costing her
in pantie liners.  It was becoming increasingly difficult to
stay fresh.
     Suddenly her car fish-tailed on the increasingly
slippery road.  Natalie immediately regained control, but
a out of the corner of her eye, she saw figure moving
into her path.  She swerved to no avail, the person was
moving faster than humanly possible.  Slamming on her
breaks, she slid right into him.  There was a thump as
the figure flipped over her hood, then a crash as the
person and his bicycle landed in a pile of construction
debris on the sidewalk.
     Natalie's car slid onto the sidewalk and into the
building about ten feet away from the garbage pile.  She
was stunned, but okay, though the same couldn't be said
for the remains of her car.  The passenger's side front
fender had taken the brunt of the impact, pushing her
glove compartment nearly to the seat back.  Looking up,
she could tell the building was obviously vacant due to
remodeling so she wouldn't have to worry about anyone
inside being injured.
     Untangling herself from the seatbelt and air bag
that had no doubt kept her from injury, she reached over
to grab her medical kit.  That bag she was easily able to
retrieve from the passenger seat, but her purse was
smashed.  After some tugging, she pulled the remains of
her purse free, noting her cell phone was in several
pieces.  Finally, she managed to kick the driver's side
door open.
     "All you all right?" she said frantically, rushing
to the debris pile.
     "It 'urts!" the heavily Cockney accented voice
cried.  "Get it out o' me!"
     "Oh, God," Natalie said, kneeling down beside
Screed, reminding herself she was a doctor, a
professional.  A quick examination found the problem
despite the darkness; a broken piece of wood was
rammed into the vampire's chest.  "We've got to get
you to shelter... don't you have a basement or
something nearby?"
     "It 'urts!"  The carouche was delirious.
     "Screed, listen to me, I can't do anything here. 
Where do you live?"
     "In that alley up o' bit," he wheezed, pointing
with obvious effort.  "In the cellar."
     Dragging a nearly incapacitated vampire two
blocks was not her idea of fun, but Natalie managed. 
Though the stench of the place nearly overwhelmed her,
she was relieved to see it already lit with candles and
white Christmas lights.  Surprisingly, the dwelling was
remarkably neat.  Everything seemed in its proper place
and the bed was even made up with worn blankets.  It
was there she stretched out Screed, using the available
light to examine the wound.
     No where near the heart, the staking wasn't life
threatening.  "I'm going to have to pull it out and it's
going to hurt like hell," she warned.  The only response
was a moan.
     Natalie climbed on the bed, a knee on each side
of the vampire.  When she pulled the stake free, she fell
backwards to a seated position on his groin.
     "Watch where ya'r landin', lady," Screed
complained, easing himself up on his elbows.  "Just
cause a lad's takin' a stake to the... EEP!  It's... it's...
_YOU_!" he squealed.
     Natalie found herself being thrown off the bed as
the vampire leaped up, backing against the wall.  "You
ain't comin' near me, you ain't!"
     "I'm Natalie Lambert," she said softly, non-
threatening.  "I'm a friend of..."
     "Ol' Screed knows 'xactly who you are, baby
cakes, and 'e ain't aimin' to have Defect-a-tive Nicky
throwin' 'im down no more stairs...argh!" Screed
clutched at his wound, doubling over in pain.  "It 'urts,"
he moaned softly.
     "I _know_ it does," she said, holding out her
hand.  "Here, let me help you back to the bed."
     After some hesitancy, Screed reached out to
accept the assistance.  His grip was weak, and Natalie
fought to recoil at the feel of grit on his hands.  The
vampire passed out almost immediately.  Grabbing
several baby jars of blood from a corner, she held one
against his lips.  He drank greedily though still, by all
appearances, unconscious.  A stream of the liquid flood
from his lips, down his neck.  After four jars, he refused
to swallow more.
     "Vampire or not, the next thing I'm doing is
cleaning you up," Natalie said though he was beyond
hearing.  "I know you won't get an infection, but filth is
filth."
     Digging around in musty cardboard boxes, she
found a pair of fuzzy pink bunny slippers.  Or at least
they used to be pink, she guessed.  Now they were
stained a light brown.  "Funny, these are just like the
pair I lost," she murmured.  In the same box, she located
the remains of "Las Vegas" t-shirt.  Wearing surgical
gloves, Natalie found a large butter container which
apparently had been used to collect blood.  She located
a faucet connected directly to a pipe and washed out the
tub before filling it with water.  Then she mixed in a
strong anti-septic soap for her own peace of mind.
     "I can't say I'm looking forward to this," she
muttered, reaching down to unfasten the overalls.  She
pulled them down to his waist before pilling away the
blood soaked undershirt.
     He moaned at her touch, but didn't wake as she
washed his face and chest using pieces of the torn t-
shirt.  The wound was already healing and once clean,
the new, pink skin could be seen.  She then unlaced his
combat boots, removing them along with what passed as
socks.  Finally, drawing in a breath, she unbuttoned the
sides of the overalls so that she could totally remove
them.  "Come on Nat, you're a doctor," she reminded
herself.  "No matter how awful it is, you've seen
worse... though too bad it won't be like that dream."
     Despite her best efforts, Natalie felt a tiny bit of
repulsion when she noticed Screed wasn't wearing
undergarments and there was signs of vampiric semen
on his overalls.  Averting her eyes, she totally undressed
the carouche.  Though scrawny appearing, like most
vampires he was well formed.  "Oh, my God!" Natalie
exclaimed when she saw *just* how well formed.  "He's
as big as I dreamt..."
     Immediately, she started cleaning Screed's groin
area, stroking the scrotum and staff gently with the t-
shirt scrap.  He shifted in his sleep, muttering something
even more incoherent than usual, but didn't wake. 
Without realizing it, Nat began cleaning a little more
aggressively, watching his arousal grow ever larger. 
"Never have I seen ANYTHING like..." she stopped,
staring closer at his penis.  It was familiar.  She _had_
see it before.  "Screed was scared of me," she
whispered.  "There's the bunny slippers.  When did I
have that dream??? After the staff party where'd I got
drunk and... It wasn't a dream!  I really screwed
Screed!"
     "'An a right fine job ye did of it to," he said,
easing up on his elbows.  "But don't go thinkin' you're
gonna be ridin' the ol' rat boy any time soon, ay?!"
     The thought of what she'd done disgusted her,
yet her body also tingled with excitement.  This sewer
living, dirt embedded, endowed-like-a-god creature
before her was a sexual sensation!  Allowing the rag to
drop to the ground, Natalie tore the gloves off, then ran
her hands across her hardening breasts and down to her
hips.  "I've... GOT to have you, don't you understand?"
she pleased.
     Screed's eyes grew wide beneath red eyebrows
as he scooted back on the cot.  "Nickie ain't the most
sex-you-I-will vampy in the world, I know that, I do. 
But that won't keep 'im from doin' a Bobbit on me
glory n' pride..."
     "He wouldn't dare touch you," Nat swore,
kneeling on the foot of the bed.  "If he a hair on your
head, I'll kill him!"
     "I ain't had no 'air on me head for centuries,"
Screed whimpered, his erection growing soft as he
moved as far from her as possible.
     "How is Nick going to find out?" Natalie asked
urgently.  "I'm sure not going to tell him..."
     "'E's a de-tec-a-tive type, ain't 'e?" Screed
replied frantically.  "'E'd find out 'n ol' Screed od be
pusin' up daisy flowe's, 'e od."
     "You don't understand!" Natalie said, standing. 
"For weeks... every since, I thought our encounter was
just a dream!  But I was obsessed!  I'd _never_ been
with a sexual partner like you."
     "'Ya sayin' ya wanted to screw me agin'?"
Screed said with disbelief.  "'Cause it ain't like I ain't
wantin' to do the deed wit ya agin.  Been pumpin' the
ol' 'andle meself a lot lately, I 'af.  Just to keep the ol'
hormonals unda control.  Been stickin' in me brain like
o' ratsie smashed in a trap, 'oo af."
     "You mean you've been thinking of me too?"
Nat asked.
     "That's wot I just said, ain't it?" Screed uttered. 
"'Ya sure dick-less-a-tive Nicky ain't gonna find out 'n
af me staff on o' stick?"
     "He won't if he knows what's good for him,"
Natalie said matter-of-factly.  "He's such a stick-in-the-
mud, worried about losing control and draining me if we
make love."
     "Might be a problemo for his kind o' vampy,"
Screed said.  "Gotta drink o' the vine to 'ave any fun. 
Us carouches got at least this one lil' addy-vantage. 
'Sides, listen to ol' Screed 'ere when 'e tells ya 'e's
'eard Nickie ain't got much skill.  Too much of the pure
kind, 'e is."
     "Nick's had sex," Nat said.  "At least I suspect
he was with Janette..."
     "Sure 'e was at that," the carouche agreed. 
"Part o' the vampy game, it is.  Just some o' us don't
fight the urges, know wot I mean?  Prefer to fuck our
way through 'istory."
     "Others, like Nick have a little virture," Natalie
pointed out, feeling no small amount of irritation.  After
all, she was talking with a vampire who hunted in
sewers.  "What's wrong with honor?"
     "'Onor, who needs it," Screed said, adding a
loud raspberry.  "Ain't good for nothin' but gettin' ya
kilt for some lady in de-tress or some such."
     "At least you're honest," Nat shrugged, smiling
despite herself.
     "'Onest Screed.  That's wot someone called me
once right 'fore I pinched his wallet.  As for 'onor,
won't see any 'round me, ya won't.  'Specially down
'ere," Screed said, stretching his legs out, wide apart. 
Natalie watched as he reached down, scratching his
balls.  Once again, he began to harden.  "Like wot 'oo
see?"
     "Aaaaahh, yeah," Natalie muttered, her jaw
dropping open.
     "Many o' maiden's virginy-tees been martyred
too me man'ood," Screed said invitingly.  "Gonna be
needin' more blood, though, afore I can be gettin' right
up there, I 'ill."
     Natalie grabbed as many jars as she could carry
and rushed them over the bedside.  Screed smacked his
lips as she unscrewed the first lid.  His fangs started to
drop as she held the container to his lips.  Suddenly, she
realized just _what_ sat before her.  "You... you have
'control' don't you?  I mean, I'm not about to become
vampire food, am I?"
     "Ain't agin no taste o' mortal vintage now n'
agin, but you're talkin' to a ratboy supreme 'ere, Mr.
Contol-me-urges," Screed explained after downing the
blood in one gulp.  "If ol' Screed gits to wantin' to bite,
'e'll just bit 'is pillow."
     He reached out with thin fingers, unbuttoning
her sweater.  Nat eyes locked with his.  She could see
his longing, his anticipation despite the wide, lascivious
grin spread across his face.  As her sweater fell away,
strong arms pulled her close.  She tried to nuzzle her
nose against the sensitive part of his neck, but the aroma
of antiseptic, sewage and dead rats forced her to raise
her head.
     "'Ey, where's them 'lil hook thingees on the
back o' your slingshot?" Screed muttered.
     "Oh, that's..." Natalie started to say.
      "Is this Nickie's doin'?" Screed interrupted,
fingering the elastic material stretched across her back.
     "Screed..."
     "Did 'e put a some sort o' new fang-l'd chast-o-
ty belt on ye?"
     "Of course not..."
     "Put it on the wrong end 'e did..."
     "Screed, the bra fastens in front!" Natalie cried,
pushing him back roughly.
     He looked down, obviously puzzled, before his
gleeful express returned.  "There the lil' buggers is, right
'twinxt yar boo..."
     "Just a sec," Nat said when the full force of his
breath hit her.  She dashed for her medical bag, digging
into it frantically.  Lifting it up, she finally just dumped
the contents on the floor.  Locating the bottle of
wintergreen, she rubbed a good portion under her nose
before rushing back to the bed.
     "Ah," Screed said approvingly.  "Dollying
yarself up with a bit o' the perfume, ay?  Smellin' all
minty like, ya do..."
     Natalie saw no reason to correct his assumptions
as he popped her bra loose.  His body felt cold yet
comforting as she pressed against him.  They were
angled so that his staff grew huge and firm against her
belly.  Unable to resist, she glanced at it and smiled.
     "Wot's up, Doc?  Think it's Ol' Screed, I do!"
he murmured.
     Though his eyes were shifting to yellow, Natalie
didn't fight as Screed's mouth met hers.  To her
amazement, his tongue tasted of wintergreen - or
perhaps it was simply the gel under her nose.  The kiss
was deep, passionate and experienced.
     When he broke away, it was only to trail his
tongue down her chin and neck to her breasts.  He
cupped them in his hands, massaging as he suckled one
nipple and then the other.  "That's me lassie," he
whispered.  "Yar likin' me mini-strations.  I kin tell ya
are."
     "I want you," she begged softly in his ear.  "I
want *all* of you!"
     "All o' me?" he asked.  "Wotcha see is all there
is, baby cakes."
     "Inside me!  I've got to have you inside me!"
Nat panted.
     "Ya mean..."
     "Fuck me, screw me, make me squeal!!!!"
Natalie shouted.
     "Why the 'ell didn't ya just say so, Doc?" Screed
exclaimed, flipping her over onto her back.  "Look at
this, will ya?  'Bout to put me cock in a doc!"
     No gentleness could be found in Screed's
method, no foreplay offered, and Natalie loved the
abruptness.  He rammed his throbbing manhood into
her, filling her with painful glee.  Unlike a mortal's
warmth, his body was cold, almost numbing.  The chill
sent shivers of pleasure through ever nerve in her body. 
As she dug her fingernail into his back, he buried his
nose in her tangled hair, snorting with pleasure.
      "Oh, God! Oh, God!  Oh, Gooooddddd," she
screamed louder with each thrust.
     "This ain't no im-mac-o-late-like conception,
baby cakes," Screed grunted, his voice several octaves
lower than normal.
     Nat could feel the carouche's chest vibrating
with the vampiric growl of building climax.  Part of her
wanted to fight, to flee before her blood fulfilled his
sexual needs.  Yet his body kept her pinned to the bed,
or at least the part of her not arching with
encouragement.  
     "Yankee Doodle went to town," he sang to her. 
"Upon a load of 'lasses, he swore he could not see the
town, for the gals an' their nice big asses!"  His hands
squeezed her buttocks tightly, then brushed along the
curves of her waist.
     "Are you saying I've got a big ass?" Natalie
asked.
     "No way, sweet cheeks," Screed assured her. 
"Sayin' ya got a nice 'un, I am."  Raising slightly, he
shifted to slip his arms between them as he began
massaging her breasts.  Not once did he miss a beat in
his rhythmic, fierce pumping.
     "Nice melons, ya got," he whispered.  "They real
or did ya get one o' them implants?"  Before she could
reply, he slipped his ice cold tongue into her ear canal. 
She jerked.  Screed laughed.  "Gettin' somewhere now,
we are," he exclaimed, his thrusts becoming quicker,
more urgent.  "Comin, comin',
cooooommmmmiiiiiiiin'!"
     Natalie caught a glance of a flash of fangs as
Screed raised his head.  Her life flashed before her eyes
as she realized this was it.  Dr. Natalie Lambert was
about to be drained not by Nicholas Knight the former
Crusader, but by Screed, who'd really prefer to suck a
rat.  Struggling to get free, she found Screed only held
her tighter.  She wanted to scream only a strong hand
clapped across her mouth.
     "No 'ellin' like that," he said between fully
extended fangs.  "'Urts me ears and breaks the mood..."
     There was a final, unbelievably low pitched
growl which suddenly became muffled.  Something soft
landed on her nose, tickling it, followed by the same
sensation on her forehead.  Opening her eyes, she found
herself in a shower of feathers.  Screed sat up straddling
her chest, shaking the remains of a pillow in his mouth
as a dog would a stuffed toy.
     Before she could even consider laughing at the
scene, Screed was gone.
     "What the _hell_ are you doing to her,
carouche!"
     Natalie turned her head in the direction of Nick's
voice.  He had Screed pinned against the far wall and
the carouche looked very, very worried.

***********

     "Put him down, Nick Knight!" the lady doctor
shouted.
     "Ya 'eard 'er, matie," Screed said, daring to
stare the other vampire in the eyes.  Through the
vampiric yellow, the carouche could see confusion. "Ya
think I forced 'er, don'tch!  Well, think agin, sword boy. 
This 'ere was a con-sent-ual screw."
     "Natalie...?" Nick said softly.
     The mortal morsel got off the bed, covering
herself with the blanket.  "He's telling the truth," she
admitted.
     Screed was lowered to the floor as Nick turned
to Natalie.  "How?" the detective asked. "Why?"
     "Why?" she repeated angrily.  "WHY?  Because
_you_ won't!"
     "He could have killed you!" Nick argued.
     Screed used the distraction to make his way to
his clothing box.  He figured it was getting time to
consider spending the rest of the night elsewhere.
     "But he didn't!  Unlike _some_ supposedly
higher forms of vampires, Screed has _control_."
     "Screed's a carouche!  He eats _rats_."
     "Which is sure a hell of a lot better than being
one!" Natalie screamed, shoving a finger in Nick's face.
     "I thought we had something... special, Natalie."
     "Oh, Nick," the woman sighed, "don't you
understand we _do_... This was lust, not love."
     As Screed pulled a hole-filled sweater over his
head, Natalie wrapped her arms around the mortal 
wanna-be.  "Better than the soaps, this is," Screed
murmured.
     "But... but... I want you to myself," Nick
whined.  "Maybe, just maybe, LaCroix might help. 
There's things he hasn't taught me.  Perhaps he's got a
method where I could learn to... have intercourse
without taking your blood..."
     "LaCrow teach you control?" Screed snorted,
now fully dressed.  He moved to Nick's side, placing his
arm across the other vampire's shoulder.  Nick looked
annoyed.  "Ol' Screed can tell ya 'e ain't got no control
even when it comes to the ol' butt fuckin', ya know."
     Both Nick's and Nat's mouths dropped open.
     "Why you so surprised I know, Dickie Nickie,"
Screed said.  "Ain't like your the lovin' sort of son.  His
Generalship says at least I'm better than them four
legged beasties usta travel with 'is army to entertain 'his
troops.  Butt fuckin' ain't me favorite, but when in the
sack with a Roman type, you do as the Romans do, ay?"
     "LACROIX?" Natalie pushed away from Nick. 
"Nick, tell me it isn't... You ... and LaCroix???!!!"
     "He's my master," Nick said, a pleading tone in
his voice.  "With Janette gone, I have to have
_someone_..."
     "So if it isn't 'incest is best, put your sister to the
test,'" Natalie snapped, "it's your fucking father?! 
Keeping it all in the family, huh?!"
     "Please, Natalie, you don't understand..."
     "Maybe not, but there's more than drinking
blood you're going to have to stop if you ever want to
be mortal again..."
     "Hate to interrupt this loverly petty bickerin',"
Screed said, "but things are gettin' a lil' to 'ot for me
taste.  Fire n' brimstone suppose to be located a few
floors below 'ere, ay?"
     Grabbing Nick's head, Screed twisted it quickly
toward his own face, taking the vampire detective by
surprise.  "See ya later, sweetie wienie," Screed said,
followed by a full, tongue- tangling kiss on - and in-
Nick's mouth.
     With more speed than he'd ever mustered
before, the carouche left his lair and took to the skies. 
"All this so scared me I run off, Nor stopped, as I
remembered, Nor turned about 'til I got home, Locked
in me mother's chamber..."

The End - for now...

NOTE: Except for the "a'pumpin' Screed will go" song,
all other verses Screed sings are to the tune of "Yankee
Doodle".  Most of the Yankee Doodle verses came from
"Blow the Candle Out:  Unprintable Ozark Folksongs
and Folklore Volume II" by Vance Randolph, printed by
the University of Arkansas Press.  Other verses I've
personally heard myself.  "A'pumpin' Screed will go" is
to the tune of "The Farmer in the Dell"...